The things we fear the most have already happend to us…. ~Deepak Chopra~

Its another cold winter night in Las Vegas, I can hear the traffic from my bed room window. The streets use to call me in the night, when I did not have a car or many friends, once upon a time back in the begining of high school. I think they still call to me, like a mother calling to her lost child..

I was suppose to be hanging out with one of my friends tonight, but like the weather she is unpredictable, always saying one thing but doing another. I admit I cried back on my way home, sometimes I feel so cold, and its not from the winter wind. I guess its because Iam use to being ignored, I always feel like someones shadow that was left behind.

I miss being a child, not so much a child, but being ignorant. Whoever said ignorance was bliss, is totally right. When you are a child the world to you is one big wonder, a road that has no end, few stop signs, with few forks in the road to misguide you. It was the only time I felt safe, when I was shielded from the unruly truth that life is not a dream, and relationships are not a fairytale.

Do you remember the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy falls a sleep into a feild of poppy flowers? When she awakes she see’s clearer. Thats what I felt like the day I realized reality. I woke up out of the poppy field. I realized most people are only out for themselves, and that love is nothing more than a illusion if not more than a fable.

Everyday when the sun rises in the east, and I awake, I peer through my blinds and look through my window just to see if anything has changed. Hoping for a change, a break in the sky, something diffrent than my ordinary everyday routine. Maybe I shouldnt wait for a change. I gaze at the stars each night, trying to find the brightest one, always hoping that there is someone else out there in the world like me who understands me, and that will already know every thought in my head, every word I have spoken, and every dream I have dreamt.

I fear every night that I will never find the right path to walk down, only rocky roads with endless outlets that lead into the abyss of darkness. My greatest fear is not of the darkness of this road, for I have travelled down it for many miles in silence, the fear is that I will walk this road alone.